Woah

I need to learn to savor my champage. Wheeeeeeeeeee!

And then it was over.

I never thought that I would miss these kids so much. And it's only been like an hour, good grief. Easily the best of the BXPEs. If I can't work on this play next year in some form I'm going to have to kill someone who can and impersonate them.

We're gonna rock, maul, pillage and burn, we're gonna rock-maul-pillage-and-burn- EAT THE BABIES.

I never thought I would say this, but I think I'm starting to love warm-ups. Maybe it was the kids, but I actually enjoyed that ridiculous "Ooh, I feel so good" 'game'. Nothing like being able to count to 39 as a group with your eyes closed and no overlap.

We're gonna rock, maul, pillage and burn, we're gonna rock-maul-pillage-and-burn- EAT THE BABIES.

I've also started to enjoy singing. After singing through American Pie and Be A Man and Joy to the World god knows how many times in the boys dressing room, it's gone beyond silly rituals to something I actually look forward to and like doing.

We're gonna rock, maul, pillage and burn, we're gonna rock-maul-pillage-and-burn- EAT THE BABIES.

I have taken more than 400 photos and several videos with my camera in the past few days. Theater people are wonderfully photogenic. Ian can jump very, very high.

We're gonna rock, maul, pillage and burn, we're gonna rock-maul-pillage-and-burn- EAT THE BABIES.

I can't wait for this summer. I hopefully will be working full time as production manager for the summer youth program, which means seeing a lot more of a lot of wonderful people. Life can be awesome, sometime. Also, Merry Christmas, Happy (Hanukkah/Chanukah), Jolly Kwanzaa, Mirthful Solstice, or whatever floats your spiritual boat.

We're gonna rock, maul, pillage and burn, we're gonna rock-maul-pillage-and-burn- EAT THE BABIES.

Hooray for schools being cancelled!

Because it would have been hard to visit people with the whole waking up at 1:30pm thing.

I get to do sound for Halcyon Days! Huzzah!

Break is awesome

The hightlight of my day, aside from getting cast as Polonius, was creating this:


Snow Trooper pilot zombie. Hell yeah.

One day

I will learn not to put off everything until finals week.

I am not going to get into college.

So with all this free time, I intend to do the following:

• Visit several countries, including most of europe, thailand, tibet, australia, new zealand, brazil, and... maybe parts of africa.
• Spend a night in the following: A yurt, a cave, under the stars, in a tree house, somewhere I shouldn't.
• Start a band, play a single gig, then break up for personal reasons.
• Take up a martial art.
• Audition for several plays, and wind up doing tech for them.
• Perfect my cooking skills.
• Have many crazy adventures.

It won't be so bad.

Update: coffee called off

I regret to say that due to events beyond my control, I am short a parent for tomorrow and will not be able to get a ride anywhere tomorrow before the play. Sorry. Next sunday though!

I hope people read this in time...

I got a haircut

For those of you who haven't already seen it. I'm a little in love with it.





The week before finals is by far the worst week of the quarter, especially at Central. Tests are easy, last minute finishing of projects, tests and papers is not.

As we go on...

I just watched this video of a mediocre pop song from the turn of the century. I've always been a sucker for a catchy chorus, and this song is no exception- it was one of those songs that I secretly loved to listen to back in fifth grade (the ones that were too gay to tell anyone I liked). But there has always been something in this song that really... resonated with me (or at least, more than say "hit me baby one more time" or "Happy boys and happy girls we'll be"). Something about that bittersweet "almost-happy tears" feeling felt so overpoweringly right, I never really questioned it.

Listening to it now, though, has made me realize a few things that are kind of embarrassing to admit were uncovered by a Vitamin C song. It's been well established that I am a terribly nostalgic person. I think it was because I spent so long at Pacific Crest and loved it so much that my first major change in life was overwhelmingly sudden and painful. I never learned how to deal with change, so I've never been able to cope well with it. I don't accept it and move on, I wrap myself in it like freshly laundered sheet. The extent of my nostalgia is sort of frightening. I think about plays I've done and want more than anything to go back and do them again. I remember fun things that happened in classes and regret everything I didn't do to preserve those moments. I curse myself again and again for habitually blocking out bad memories, because I know I have lost parts of my life forever. Which touches on the point of this- the inspiration for all this consideration- I have realized what makes me so nostalgic: I don't think about the past in terms of the experiences I have had, I think of the experiences that I will never get to experience again. I think of the past as something that's been lost, not something that I've lived.

I have told myself many times over the past year and 3 months how much I hate highschool. I have told a lot of people, in fact. I hated my grade, I hated a lot of my curriculum, I hated the social climate of highschool, I hated the standardization and teacher-turned-babysitters. In many ways, all of that is true. But there is something about the school experience, something about the drama, something about being with your friends (and people who are not so much your friends) so often for so long that is kind of magical. The shared hatred of bad teachers, the blessed reprieve of field trips, the bonding, the unbonding, the fights and the making-up, the ridiculous relationships, the embarrassing presentations, the easy As, the near-failures, those rare moments where you talk yourself up (or down) a grade- so much of it can be sort of amazing. Not Christmas-morning amazing, or 16th birthday amazing, but that kind of special amazing that isn't necessarily good. The sweet at the end of the bitter (bittersweet. Get it? Isn't that a clever play on words?). My first two years of highschool were full of that. I have more memories of that than I will ever have of running start, or anything besides probably The Bathhouse. I think in many ways I stole two years of that from myself. I got nervous about a few things and ducked out early. Oh, I've certainly learned far more at Central than I would have at Center. I've taken some amazing courses, and really gone a long ways towards figuring out what I want to do with my life. But seeing people at school today- giving Ellie and Chloe and Kayla big hugs, talking to Travis for the first time in far too long, even pounding Keynan (who I still regret never really bonding with), I realize the things I've missed out on. The things that, I am realizing, I sort of stole from myself. I didn't see people, I hardly kept in contact where I did at all, I left behind interests, I reverted to my old bad study habits... I went into a sort of stasis in regard to everything before seattle central. I didn't break anything off, I just pretended it didn't exist. And all of the Nostalgia of this is just starting to hit me. I am getting senioritus, and I have yet to turn in a college application. If I could go back, I would still make the choice to do running start. I think it was the right thing for my to do for my education and for my betterment as a human being. But I have just realized how fair of a trade it really is. I think it's time to reconnect.

Stupid song.

Coffee! For real!

So, this week coffee is actually happening. It will be this sunday at noon at zokas again, because I will be in the area anyway and it's the only way I can do it.

Christ.

I probably shouldn't post while distraught at 4:00am. I think I'll leave this here as a reminder.

So.

I had forgotten how great of a movie Caddyshack is. I watched the first half of it with Abbey saturday. Which, of course, is no longer yesterday, as I wanted to say. I shouldn't stay up this late.

Life is sort of a haze right now. I'm cutting out a lot of the videogames for the moment, so maybe that will help things a bit.

The Miser will be good, I think. A lot will depend on how well we pull through this week.

All of my "weekly plans" keep falling apart. I think I might be sabataging them unconsciously. Don't let me.

I am oficially the Archduke of Nostalgia. Life needs to move at about 1/4 speed. Also, I need several time machines and to be linked via hive-mind to a fleet of clones.

I love listening to the awful music I used to listen to. Ahh, Yellowcard... my first concert.

I love the rain. I think I'll go take a walk in it.

So, uhh, about that coffee thing.

Sorry I've been lame the past couple weeks. I want to have some blanket excuse that covers it, but it's pretty much just that I've been lame. And sorry about the short notice of this week, but some of that same lameness carried over.

For coffee we are going to Macrina Bakery. We are NOT going, to the Queen Anne one, but the downtown one. It's located at: 2408 1st Avenue, in between Battery and Wall streets. That’s just a few blocks north of the Pike Place.

It will be at 11:00 as usual, but most of us are usually a few minutes late. Spread the word! Chances are not everyone who can come will see this in time.

Ahahaha

The fact that this is real makes it both insanely funny and overwhelmingly sad.

I am putting off homework.

You should go watch this little video if you haven't already, because it's sort of amazing.

I just found my sand crab while searching for working headphones.

I haven't listened to music in more than one year since yesterday morning, and it is driving me insane.

Yeesh.

I can't seem to sleep anymore. It's not that I can't physically fall asleep, it's that I have absolutely no desire to do so. It seems like such a waste of time, when there are so many things I could be enjoying. You would be amazed how much sway that feeling can hold when I get tired. Which is kind of funny, because in a way that makes it "I'm tired, so I can't sleep."


Which leaves me at 6:00 in the morning, unrested. With nothing to do but continue not to sleep. Goodnight?

I am a bad person

I forgot to arrange coffee. Again. I think I need someone to remind me regularly.

Whee!

My camera is back! And fixed!Here are a few of the pictures I took the day it broke:


In other news, when Epileptic Butterfly falls apart and I go off on my own way, my new band will be called Promiscuous Virgin.

Things and stuff

So, my abnormal psych teacher graded our test a different way than I thought he was going to. So instead of something in the 50%s as I was expecting (technially I would have gotten about a 59%), I got an 83%. Woo!

Ansalm (that maybe be spelled wrong, but I don't really care), my part in The Miser, is starting to become interesting. I'm really glad I got a smaller part, I missed backstage time greatly during MacBeth.

I may not even be able to apply for thriftway now, because when BXPE starts I may not be able to work at all. But we'll see.

I'm on track for my AA! Yay! But I can't transfer to the Homeschool Resource Center! Boo! I'm hoping Nova will accept me. If not... I guess there's always Ballard...

You should all check out this video (just click whichever side you want on the page). It's very... enlightening.

I still play too much World of Warcraft.

Goodnight.

Just a note

Bathhouse folks: there is no coffee this week, because I forgot and the tea-house fell through for this week.

Guess who just failed his first test since 9th grade?

Funny how quickly a quarter can turn around.

Actual Post

Before I begin, Bathhouse folks, coffee this week is at El Diablo on Queen Anne (at 11:00am, as always). Location info found here.

So, school has started. Abnormal Psych is nice. Seeing Edmund and Charlotte in the morning is fun, even if I'm too groggy and caught up in the lectures to really take advantage of that. The professor has been aptly described by Charlotte as "adorkable." The class is very... manageable. 3 tests and a group presentation. Intro to Sociology doesn't seem like it's going to be quite as interesting as I hoped, but that's probably just because I like all my other classes so much. If I were at least 5 years older, I would have a crush on my professor. Except when he says "so-shee-aul-oh-gee" instead of "so-see-aul-oh-gee." Piano is easy. I have relearned basic chords and note names. Being in the advanced section is still easy. Tomorrow I decide if I take private lessons too. Stat is wonderful, because I have my awesome professor from developmental psych and it's small and super-chill. This is probably the best quarter I've had so far.

Being sick has left me very mellow. Veeerrrry mellow.
I'm enjoying my current sugar-low more than I enjoyed the high.

I've finally started seriously reading again. I think I'm going back to my geek roots. Before you know it I'll be playing magic cards again.

I learned how to make fancy pizza with Kayla today. We're going to have a pizza party.
Someday.

I still haven't had my birthday party. I'm fearing it is never going to happen at this point, and that makes me very sad. The same goes for my Thirftway job application- it's all filled out, but I just can't seem to get it turned in. Many things like this irk me of late.

I hate it when people don't at least move animals they hit to the side of the road. My dad and I found an enormous beautiful raccoon in the middle of Gillman when we were coming home. We put him under a tree in discovery park.

I have a fancy purple toe-wrap and anklet. I fear what will happen when the novocaine wears off. One can only take so much Tylenol.

I miss my camera a lot.

I play too much World of Warcraft.

Bleh

I think I caught something at Bryant.

Damn kids.

Bathhouse people!

Coffee this week will be at Zoka's by greenlake, I have randomly decided just because. The address is 2200 North 56th Street. It's very near Shana's house, which I think all of you have been to. Spread the word! Email, call, livejournal, whatever! I'm lazy, do it for me! and I hope to see you there. At 11:00, as it will always be.

I hope that one day

we may live in a world as amazing as this.

Attention Bathhouse People! (everyone else ignore this)

We don't see each other often enough during the school year. To remedy this, Charlotte and I are finally getting off the ground that whole weekly seeing each other thing. I encourage you to link, email, or do as you will with this post to get it to anyone who you don't think will see it and should.

The plan: Every sunday at 11:00am we meet at a different cafe somewhere in the city. The closer to downtown the better, for bus purposes. We eat, drink, and talk until we decide whether or not we want to do something else after. This way people who have homework (or college applications) can still come, have coffee, and see everybody without having to commit more than an hour or two, and people who want to continue to do things can plan from there.

What I need from you: Cafe ideas! I know a few, but I bet you all know more. Comment!

For our first time, let's say this sunday, 11:00, Dilettante in westlake. Be there, and make sure other people are too!

Hooray BXPE

I am Ralph! Yippy!

I haven't posted in awhile

so here are some baby foxes.

As I rationalize and describe the nuances of my daily life to the quazi-public eye, I cannot help but wonder: why?


I have spent most of the past two days playing videogames and deciding not to do things. I wonder if there is a correlation. If I become a research psychologist, maybe I'll perform a double-blind study on that.

Rantings and Recap

Shopping is surprisingly tolerable, when the company is good. Abbey has very sexy new boots. Kaya a very pretty dress, and Gabe a replacement Lip Smackers (for the one I destroyed).

Desperate Housewives continues to be amazing. I have now watched 16 episodes, and I cannot wait to see more.

Plans falling through sucks.

Katt and I went on an adventure on friday. We walked over to discovery park, and had a fairly mundane but pleasant stroll until at the lookout we decided to go down to the beach. But we didn't use just any route- no, we were feeling rebellious and wild and needed to go over the side of the sand dunes. There's a nice steep, sandy, winding little path/slide down it. It's where all the drunk teenagers go. At the bottom, there is a tiny little trail that winds through the dense woodland, and eventually down to the beach. When the tide is out. When the tide is in, the main trail ends abruptly with nowhere to go. The tide was, of course, in. So, we wandered back along a side path, and found this amazing little open space in the brush filled with tiny rivulets and logs bridging them. It was one of those amazing places that reverts you back to your 7 year old self, making you want to build forts and climb trees and dig lakes in the miniscule streams or create intricate damming systems just to watch the water flow in different ways. After getting in touch with our inner children, Katt and I decided to follow along (in) the stream, just to see where it could take us. As luck would have it, before long we found a short drop off (with some roots to aid climbing) right down to fair-sized hill of sand and then the beach. I had the fortune to try the route down with sand too lightly packed to support a human being at the bottom, and ended up sliding down the entire hill to the beach in a dusty mess. The tide was in too far to get all the way back to the path up from the beach along the beach, so we also got the pleasure of wading through a cesspool of thick, nasty, sludgy seaweed. It felt like walking through a lake of feces. We made friends with some folks who had taken more or less the same route as us, and headed home. We saw a couple carrying a massive machete, covered in what could have been blood, but was probably blackberry juice (given the number of blackberries they were carrying).

I got a ton of sand in my cell phone and camera while going down the dune, messing up the sound on first and more or less ruining the second. The lens is jammed and can't close, and it won't start up right. Luckily, my parents got the complete super no questions asked year and a half warranty, so I can take it in and get it fixed for free. Just, no pictures for a little while.

Katie came over after Katt left, and Jayke joined us for awhile. Much Desperate Housewives was watched, and it was still a lot of fun despite having already seen all but the last episode of it with Kaya and Gabe. We also went stargazing, which was as awesome as always. I stayed up until like 9:30, when I crawled up to bed and slept until 2:00, when my slightly annoyed brother brought me my cell phone, which had been called a total of thirteen times by Gabe and Kaya (and my home phone had been called another 3. In retrospect, I don't know why my brother didn't answer it). I think they were mad at me for sleeping that late, which is silly because I sleep in until 2:00 all the time, when I can. Granted, I would have slept in until 4:00 or 5:00 had I not been woken, but even so. My sleeping patterns are my own. I guess I can understand why they wanted to get ahold of me so badly, since the sleepover that we had planned could no longer be done and our only choice was to hang out during the day, but we couldn't hang out during the day anyway since I had no ride until later and Kaya didn't want to drive anywhere and Gabe couldn't even get a ride to her house anyway. I was in position to follow along with the original plan (Gabe had suggested going over to his house at like 7:00ish), and be perfectly rested for it and ready for an overnight, and that's all that matters. I felt bad that I couldn't accommodate the changes, but neither could they.

Huh, I hadn't realized that was bothering me that much.

I've resubscribed to World of Warcrack. I'm sick of all my other games, and want something to do when I'm not otherwise busy.

I just paused from writing this to read several theories on how the world could end any day now. I think it's time for bed.

And then suddenly, in a fit of emotions and activity

Macbeth was over. Two amazing performances, a wild, crazy, difficult, awkward, wonderful cast party and suddenly my days are free and my weekends free-er. No more witches witching, no more killing Young Siward or getting killed by MacDuff, no more Lady MacBeth tempting me to murder, no more Malcom raising my sword, no more assassinations or Blood Boltered Banquos or screaming children or awkward speaches to the king or getting to demand "blood me!" or anything. It's all done, a thing of the past to be reminisced about at parties and secretly cried over in front of pages of photos five or ten years down the line. Like Twelfth Night, As You, Midsummer, and all the rest. Except this was different. This wasn't just another play, this was my last summer Shakespeare show at the bathhouse. Ever. and that is both far sadder than and nowhere near as sad as I think it should be. Somehow.

Tonight we watched Kill Bill volumes one and two. It was fun to be around The Field again. My repartee needs a good deal of sharpening, but it will come back in time.

I start school in less than a month. I'd feel bad, but all of you start in like a week (or tomorrow), so I don't think I'm allowed to complain.

I love way too many people, and some of them I love way too much. Or maybe I've just learned to use love too lightly.

Update: and now my kitty stole all the blankets again. grr.

I have fuzzy pig stickers

and they are amazing. You are probably jealous of them without even realizing it.

I am very afraid of having to do MacBeth twice tomorrow. Yiiikes.

I am loving Eagle*Seagull, even though they are somewhat emo.

Here is a song that is wonderfully happy despite it's shockingly emo name.

Update: Also, hooray.

More and less of the same.

So here I am, once again, at 3:40 in the morning updating my blog because I'm too tired to go to bed. I should have gone to bed hours ago. I also should have lifted weights, read some of my book, and looked over my lines. But, as usual, I got roped up in some stupid game I told myself I wouldn't, and 4 hours later here I am.

I am having trouble committing to a band or playlist to listen to. I think it's time to leave my whole library on random and rediscover all my old music.

Yesterday was wonderful, my plans fell through and I spent the entire day reading my book.

Today Kaya came over with delicious scones. We watched 7 episodes of Desperate Housewives. I am still in awe of that show. We thought it was just going to be trash, but we were wrong. It wasn't just trash, it was AMAZING trash. It was fascinating murder mystery trash. We played a little bit of X Men Legends, but it was kind of slow and we didn't really get into it. We also left several messages on Gabe's cell phone. Gyros and Thomas Kemper. Hooray.

Gabe's care package is turning into a "We wanted to send you a care package but we're disorganized so have a welcome home gift". Fudge still needs to be made.

I am very afraid of this weekend. But more afraid of it ending. Where did the summer go? How can I just have three more performances and a cast party?

I need to buy my Mastadon and Dragonforce tickets. Speaking of which, does anyone wanna go to Dragonforce with me? Zoe can't.

Still lost. Still unsettled. Still determined and drifting. This is going to be a year of changes.
Or at least, it had better be.

Sleep? Pah! I have weights to lift.

Grr

Yesterday was fun. Snakes on a motherfucking plane was too gruesome, but I still enjoyed it. I bought some lovely fantasy book at Barnes and Noble, ate ice cream from Frans, and had a girly movie night. Yay Grey's Anatomy and Shakespeare In Love. Truth or dare. Beanie Baby army. Different and fun.

After the senior show meeting today I ended up going to Chloe's (with Kayla and later Travis). We wanted Just My Luck, but they were out so we got Silent Hill. I probably shouldn't have watched it. Horror movies put me in a dreadful mood. I'm all icky and creeped out and argh.

I feel unsettled. It's time to stop resisting the changes and start rolling with them. Parts of me have overstayed their welcome, and I'm ready to move on.




Hooray for dance pop.

Why am I not in bed?

Hoo boy. I don't even know where to begin. I have way too many things to talk about.

First, MacBeth. Holy jesus MacBeth. This is the most wonderfully terrifying play I've ever done. It's almost as difficult and scary as The Crucible, but fun and amazing to boot. It's probably not the closest-knit cast I've ever been in, but I love everyone at the Bathhouse so much that it doesn't matter. The play completely destroys me, and it's wonderful. Come see it next weekend. Friday at 7:00, Saturday at 2:00 and 7:00. At the Bathhouse, of course.

I hate being attracted to people. I really, really hate it. almost as much as I love it.

My photo taking slowed a bit, but only because I forgot to take my camera with me friday and yesterday. I am torn between wanting to share all of my photos with everyone and wanting to respect the privacy of the people they are mostly of. But oh well.

I've gone from a power metal binge to an awful pop music binge. Hooray for Britney Spears.


Now for the quazi-cryptic poorly phrased emo ranty crap part.

I feel like I'm drifting away from my non-theater friends. Maybe (hopefully!) that will change when I start seeing them every day at school again... but only a few are coming to running start with me. I dunno. I'm trying to keep in touch and find time to do non-theater things, but theater has been so all-consuming this summer... I just don't know. I feel awkward and awful. I'm in such a completely different place in my life than I was a year ago in every sense of the word... I don't know how to handle things anymore. My little comfort zone has blown away like a scarf in a tornado, and as wonderful as it is to be free to do whatever, it's frightening trying to deal with things sometimes.

Sometimes I feel like it's my job to give emotional support to people, and that if I try to take it I'm violating some unspoken contract. Or scared vow. Or being annoying.

Blah. Blah!

Yay lineflubs

Oh full of scorpions is my wife, dear mind.

In a week or two, we will see if this actually works

But even if it doesn't, it still makes me overwhelmingly happy. I ordered The Chronicles of Narnia Radio Theatre Complete Set and A Parent's Guide to Preventing Homosexuality.

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=54084

Hooray!

A pile of kittens!

Obnoxious photoblog post #2

I have taken exactly 350 pictures over the last two days. After trimming the crap, I still have 125. I do not know what to do with all these pictures. I'm looking for a good site to host them all, but for now I will post a few favorites that do not involve actual human beings, for lack of privacy controls on blogspot.

Update: Photos will be posted on facebook until I find a better way to show them off.

Obnoxious photoblog post #1

Claire got me balloons and made me cookies that were too good to live long enough to take a picture.


The AMAZING Abbey Roth made me an even more AMAZING card. Yay.



Charlotte got me Birdboot, Tony the Wormbeast, and of course my Pocket Yak.

Kaya gave me a delightful gnome. Hubert, I think. She also baked me wonderful brownies, which are in no shape to take a photo of (they were simply too tasty).



My Aunt Dana got me this,


And my parents got me this.


And I took some random photos. Here is my wild kitty.



Here is some random pretty but fuzzy sky.


And here is a plate and a wine glass (and matches). Yeehaw.

Birthdays, anime, and script loss.

Last to first.

I have lost my script. I still have three monologues left to memorize. Tomorrow is the first day of tech week. Eek.

The anime "party" was replanned at the last minute. and by "party" I mean me, Kaya, Gabe and Zoe watching anime and walking around discovery park, since everyone else was busy or couldn't be gotten ahold of in time. Meteor showers, truth or dare shenanigans, videogames, and awkward half-sleep in chairs. Hooray!

I've been telling everyone who asks me what I want for my birthday that I'd post a 'wishlist' on my blog for them. But it has occured to me that I don't have a wish list. This being so, if you want to get me something, I would like:

Your favorite book (feel free to ask me if I've read it; surprises are overrated)
A Burned CD you like, I'd like, or a mix
a poem, drawing, or other piece of art
Anything that makes me laugh
Something everyone (or at least I), in your opinion, should have
Something you think I've never thought about before

...or anything cool from http://www.thinkgeek.com/. Especially lights.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do about my party. Renting the theater would cost a lot more than I thought it would, so I think that's out of the picture until I have a paying job at the time of my birthday. Maybe next year. So... anyone have party ideas? Laser tag is my next thing to investigate.

Good repose the while.

Life has been strangely nice lately.

I am currently in a fit of geek euphoria. D&D and Mario Party and FFX and Majora's Mask and finally finishing the goddamn adventure so that we can get on with our campaign and yay. The anime night was delayed (again), but we'll squeeze it in somewhere. Sometime.

My birthday is in 3 days. Woo.

MacBeth is pleasantly time-consuming. I finally feel like I'm getting a handle on my lines. Just two more monologues (or is it three...). The sword-fighting will be cool, if short. Or maybe just cool, if we have extra Bob-time tomorrow. Being accosted today by a lake-goer was the worst thing that's happened so far. Speed-throughs are amazing. I enjoy leaping onto platforms and kicking over chairs.

I do not read enough. That will need to be worked on.

I think I'm going asexual. Spore formation sounds nice.




and now a meme. Because I enjoy them, and this is my blog damnit:

Bold 5 things that are spot-on and strike-out 5 things that are off.

AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

This survey was surprisingly awesome

so I decided to do it. Even though I hate stupid surveys. Stolen from Fern. If you don't like them, feel free to ignore it. and if you find a good way to do a cut on blogger, feel free to inform me of it.

1) Do you have a crush on somebody?: A few littles ones. Nothing major.

2) Do you hate more than 3 people?: Not that I know personally.

3) How many houses have you lived in?: 4.

4) Favorite candy bar?: Green and Black's organic milk chocolate bar.

6) Have you ever tripped someone?: Many times. Never on purpose though (I am not crafty enough).

7) Least favorite school subject?: Depends on the school, the teacher, and the part of the subject. I love algebra, but graphing can suck it. I love genetics, but chemistry is lame. Etc.

8) How many pairs of shoes do you own?: 2, one for every day use, one for plays/formal events. 3 if you count my rubber slip on shoes for when I'm too lazy to put on my tennis shoes, and 4 if you count my sandals.

9) Do you own a Britney Spears cd?: No. But I did at one point know all the words to the song Lucky.

10) Have you ever thrown up in public?: Yes, during WASL testing in 10th grade. Good times.

12) Favorite genre of music?: I don't really have one. The only things I don't like are gangster rap, much of country music, uninteresting Blues and nonvocal Jazz.

13) Whats your sign?: Leo.

14) What time were you born?: Around 10:30 (am), maybe 11:00. I just asked my mom.

15) Do you like beer?: If it's microbrewed.

17) Favorite non-chocolate candy?: Caramel

18) Are you sarcastic?: All the time.

19) What are your favorite colors?: Purple, blue, green, and yellow.

20) How many watches do you own?: I dunno. They've all been stolen by family members.

21) Summer or winter?: Winter!

22) Is anyone in love with you? I like to pretend, sometimes. But probably not.

23) Favorite colors to wear?: Grey, black, navy (although I don't like it as a color), crimson, darker greens, darker blues, tan.

24) Pepsi or Sprite?: "Neither. Sprite, though, if I had to choose." Fern was so right with this that I saw no need to change it.

25) What color is your cell phone?: Silver and blue.

26) Where is your second home?: The Bathhouse.

27) Have you ever slapped someone?: A few times, and I get all sorts of crap about it.

28) Have you ever had a cavity?: Mmmhmm.

29) How many lamps are in your bedroom?: 3 that I use, and one that vanished under my desk.

30) How many video games do you own?: Too many. Far, far too many. I can't even begin to count them.

31) What was your first pet?: Bill and Harold the cats were both around when I was born. my first pet was Murray the hamster.

32) Ever had braces?: Arr.

33) Do looks matter?: A little.

34) Do you use chapstick?: When I need to.

35) Name 4 teachers from Junior High: Kim, Beth, Rob, Crai.

36) American Eagle or Hollister: Neither.

37) Are you too forgiving: On the outside, yes. On the inside, probably not.

38) How many children do you want? Two.

39) Do you own something from Hot Topic?: Not that I am aware of.

40) Favorite breakfast meal: Belgian Waffles with strawberries and whipped cream. And a side of bacon.

41) Do you own a gun? Nooo.

42) What is your favorite band this week?: I've been listening to a lot of Green Day, Franz Ferdinand, World Inferno Friendship Society and A Teens.

43) when was the last time you cried?: Actually cried? I can't remember. Many months ago. I was on the verge of tears on sunday while visiting Karen/Katie, however.

44) What did you do 3 days ago?: If you count this as still Tuesday, I hung out with Rylan and then did Peter Pan. If you count this as Wednesday, I visited Katie/Karen, did Peter Pan, and went to Phillip's.

45) Olive Garden?: I ate there once when I was really little. The pizza was okay. I think.

46) Have you ever called your teacher mommy?: Sigh.

47) Have you ever been in a castle?: I've been to a few Chateaus. I think one of them might have been a Chateau fort. I don't remember.

48) Nicknames?: Billy, Locke, Ellio to the double T.

49) Do you know anyone named Bertha? I doubt it.

50) Ever been to Kentucky?: No.

51) Do you own something from Banana Republic?: Not that I know of.

52) Are you thinking about somebody right now? I am now.

53) Ever called somebody Boo? I think maybe once.

54) Do you smoke? Asthma. I would die.

55) Do you own a diamond ring?: Haha, no.

56) Are you happy with your life right now?: I think so.

57) Do you dye your hair? I have in the past.

58) Does anyone have a crush on you?: Probably not. Certainly not anyone I'd want to.

59) Starbucks or Dunkin donuts? Starbucks. Donuts are nasty.

60) What were you doing in May of 1994? Uhh, being in first grade.

61) Have you ever caught a guy/girl checkin out your butt?: Hahahahaha.

62) McDonalds or Wendys?: Wendy's!

63) Do you like yourself?: Some aspects.

64) Are you closer to your mother or father? "Both, in different ways." Fern wins again.

66) Are you afraid of the dark?: Only when I'm outside at night alone and worried about something.

67) Have you ever eaten paste?: I don't think so.

71) Are you religious?: No.

72) Do you chat on AIM often?: Not as much as I once did.

73) Pringles or Lays?: Ick.

74) Have you ever broken any one's heart?: Don't think so.

75) Rugrats or Doug?: Doug.

76) Full House or The Brady Bunch?: I have watched both, but I don't think I've ever enjoyed either.

77) Do you like your high school guidance counselor?: Ms. Sinusi is evil.

78) Have you ever ran a stop light?: I've never driven through one at all.

79) Do you chew gum?: When other people offer it to me.

80) Do you own a car?: Nope.

81) Can you cook? Yesss.

84) Money or love?: Love.

85) Do you have any scars?: I have scars on each kneecap (covered up by leg hair though), and a few right below my hairline from a botched hair bleaching job.

86) What do you want more than anything right now?: Companionship. Or perhaps to know my MacBeth lines.

87) Do you enjoy scary movies?: Generally not at all. There are a few exceptions though.

88) Relationships or one night stands?: Relationships.

89) mp3's or Ipods?: ...

90) Do you enjoy greasy food?: Depends on the food.

91) Have you seen all the Rocky movies?: I haven't seen any.

92) Do you own a box of crayons?: I think so. Somewhere.

95) hands or feet?: I dunno. Feet amuse me, but hands are so useful.

96) Who was the last person that made you cry?: Myself.

97) Who was the last person that made you laugh? My brother.

98) frosted flakes or fruity pebbles? Neither. If I had to choose, frosted flakes.

99) Who was the last person that instant messaged you?: Rylan.

100) Who was the last person that called you?: A wrong number.

9 lasts --

9.] last place you were: The store.
8.] last cigarette: Never.
7.] last beverage: Izze clementine soda.
6.] last movie watched: Clueless at Lily's.
5.] last phone call: My dad, I think.
4.] last cd played: Green Day's American Idiot
3.] last bubble bath: Too long ago.
2.] last time you cried: I think we went over this.
1.] last alcohol drink: A cosmopolitan my brother made for me, I think.

8 have you evers --

8.] have you ever dated someone twice: No.
7.] have you ever been cheated on: No.
6.] have you ever kissed someone: Only in the context of truth or dare past age 6 or 7.
5.] have you ever kissed someone you regret: Nah.
4.] have you ever fallen in love: I don't think so.
3.] have you ever lost someone: Yes.
2.] have you ever been depressed: Yes.
1.] have you ever been drunk and thrown up: Nope.

6 things you did in the past three days
1.] I practiced my fight scene.
2.] I leapt across a table.
3.] I worked on liness. A lot.
4.] I had long, personal discussions.
5.] I contemplated mortality.
6.] I looked at my old Magic Cards.

3 favorite colors --
1.] Purple
2.] Green
3.] Blue

2 things you want to do before you die --
1.] Fall in love.
2.] Stay that way.

So Far in '06 I have:

[x] been to school
[x] made a new friend
[] fallen out of love
[x] done something you swore never to do
[x] lied
[x] laughed until you cried
[] stole something
[x] went behind your parents back
[] cried over an ex
[Probably] disappointed someone close
[x] hidden a secret
[x] pretended to be happy
[] got arrested
[] kept your new years resolution (I don't think I made one...)
[] forgot your new years resolution (see above)
[x] met someone who changed your life
[x] changed your outlook on life
[x] sat home all day doing nothing
[x] pretended to be sick
[] left the province
[] almost died
[x] drank
[] lost someone
[] been to the hospital
[x] gotten close to someone
[] streaked
[x] cried over someone
[] broken up with a girlfriend or boyfriend
[x] given up something important to you
[] talked on the phone all night
[x] learned something new about yourself
[x] tried something you normally wouldn't try
[x] found out who your true friends were
[x] made a total fool of yourself
[x] met great people
[x] gotten really drunk

Q 01: is there a person who is on your mind right now?
A 01: Yes.

Q 02: who is the last person you called?
A 02: Rylan.

Q 03: who do you like more, your mom or dad?
A 03: That's a twisted question.

Q 04: do you have any siblings?
A 04: A brother (older).

Q 05: do you smile often?
A 05: I do.

Q 06: do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?
A 06: Probably not.

Q 07: do you wish on stars?
A 07: Sometimes, secretly.

Q 08: do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?
A 08: I used to.

Q 10: do you like your handwriting?
A 10: Nooo.

Q 11: are you a friendly person?
A 11: I hope so.

Q 12: whose bed did you sleep in last night?
A 12: My own.

Q 13: what color shirt are you wearing?
A 13: Black.

Q 14: do you have any pets?
A 14: Three cats and a fish.

Q 15: what is the color of your bedsheets?
A 15: Green.

Q 16: What were you doing at 9 last night?
A 16: I don't remember.

Q 17: i can't wait until..
A 17: I've finally learned my MacBeth lines.

Q 18: is tom on your friends list?
A 18: No.

Q 19: look to your right. what's there?
A 19: My cell phone, a stack of CDs, my computer mike, and incense holder, my phone, the edge of my desk, my dresser, the door out of my bedroom, my closet, my bookshelves with my fish in them and my stuffed animals on top, a small chest of drawers with a fan on top, my bed, my sheets, my laptop, my script, my window. and now I've rotated 180 degrees.

Q 20: ever cried yourself to sleep?
A 20: During darker periods of my life.

Q 21: ever cried on your friend's shoulder?
A 21: I don't think so. Maybe.

Q 22: any song that makes you cry?
A 22: Not really. "The Reason" by Hoobastank makes me feel really unsettled.

Q 23: are you normally a happy person?
A 23: I think so.

Q 24: has anyone ever said 'i love you' to you?
A 24: Not really in a romantic context.

Q 25: is your self-esteem extremely low?
A 25: Meh. I don't think so, but I can see how people might argue otherwise.

ANGER

1. Are you currently mad at someone?: Not really.

2. Which of your friends has the worst temper?: I've done my best not to find out. Anyway, if I said so I might incur their wrath.

3. Have you ever thrown something at anyone?: Oh god yes.

4. Does your face turn red when you're angry? Depends on the type of angry.

5. When you're mad do you prefer to stare angrily or yell and scream?: Both. Again, depends on the type of angry.


RANDOM

1. Has anyone ever thrown you a surprise party?: No.

2. Are you easily excited?: Most of the time.

3. What event is coming up that you're most excited about?: My birthday. 6(5?) days!

4. Which of your friends gets you the most excited?: Kayla. We both build off of whoever we're with, so when we're both excited... hoo boy.

5. What would be your first thought it you won a million dollars? Who knows?

6. If you could have anything right now what would it be?: My kitty. She has deserted my lap for the outdoors. (or maybe a relationship).

1. Name?: Elliott

2. Where were you born?: Seattle.
3.What's your main goal in life?: To be happy.
4. Do you want to have children?: Very much.
5. How do you want to die?: In one of two ways. Either in the arms of partner of many years (who dies at the same moment I do), or while driving off a cliff in a flaming bus. I haven't decided yet.

BELIEFS

1. Sex before marriage? Yeehaw!
2. Gay Marriage? Absolutely.
3. Lowering the drinking age?: 14. It should be a cultural custom, kids should drink wine at the table on special occasions as soon as they're old enough for it not to be super-unhealthy.
4. Capital Punishment? No.
5. Abortion? Pro-choice.
6. Recycling?: Duh.

DREAMS

1. What was your latest dream?: I had a really creepy nightmare about being forced to live in the house of a sexual predator.
2. Which of your friends do you dream about the most?: Aside from the ones I think about the most, the ones I know the least. I think because I like to make up backstories for people.
3. Have any of your dreams come true?: I don't thin so, but I'm at least on the right path to fulfill some.
4. Do you usually remember your dreams?: No.
5. What was the weirdest dream you've ever had?: My weird dreams are too abstract to put into words.

LOVE

1. Straight, Gay, Bi?: Gaaay.
2. Do you have a bf/gf?: Narr.
3. Do you have a crush?: Maybe.
4. Who is the best hugger that you know?: I have always been blessed with many a wonderful hugger in my life.
5. Do you believe in Love at first sight? Sight? No. Meeting? Maybe.

That was way too much fun. I wonder if anyone will read it.

(Bi)Sexuality.

While browsing the internets, I stumbled upon an interesting post about bisexuality and the attitudes of non-bisexuals about it. It inspired me to comtenplate my own feelings on it. If that doesn't sound very interesting to you, you probably shouldn't read on, because this will be long.

I am going to ignore the side that believes that heterosexual is the only way you can be (and that homosexuality is a choice and a sin blah blah blah), because no one who believes that should have the address to this blog.

I first encountered anti-bisexual material while watching Queer As Folk. There was a storyline where one of the characters had an experience with the opposite sex, and everyone was shocked. I believe one of the lines in response to it was (pardon the vulgarity): “You can like cock, or you can like pussy, you just can't like both at the same time.” There was not one person who accepted it as a simple sign of bisexuality. I found this a little shocking. How can a show that has been billed as getting at queer issues and pushing for equality be so dismissing towards a huge part of the gay community? But as I poked around, I found more and more anti-bisexual sentiments among both gay and straight people, even those who call themselves open-minded. How can anyone be open-minded and look at sexuality as black and white?

There are a lot of arguments for bisexuality not existing. One of my favorites is, “gay men like men, so if a guy likes men he's gay.” This is a classic example of bad logic. If A then B. B, therefore A. That is not correct. That is wrong. Wrong! It is like saying “Fishermen live in Seattle, so if a person lives in Seattle he or she is a fisherman.” Just because a man is sexually attracted to a man does not exclude him from being sexually attracted to a woman. Just because someone who has been sexually attracted to women has never liked a man does NOT mean that: b.) that they can never be sexually attracted to men (maybe it just hasn't happened yet) OR b) that no one else who has been sexually attracted to women can be sexually attracted to men. No one can say what another person likes, we can only speak for ourselves. I don't tell people they can't like tuna fish just because I don't, because I don't have their taste buds, and cannot prove they don't like it. If we isolate genes for sexual attractions to the different genders, then we can tell someone what they should and shouldn't like. Until then, we're just being narrow-minded and ridiculous.

But that's just purely sexual attraction. There are lots of other things that attract people to people: personality, power, even things like possessions (cars, yachts, private islands, etc.). I call myself gay because up until this point I have only been sexually attracted to males. I won't deny the possibility in my future that maybe I'll meet some amazing woman who I decide I want to spend my life with based purely on her amazing personality (or even sexual attraction, although the chances of that seem slim at this point). I think the same could probably happen to anyone (but if they would be able to accept it based off of their own ideas on sexuality is another story).

And that's my two cents.

Padlocks are evil

and I just spent 40 minutes talking and singing to Abbey on the phone. What a strange weekend.

Update: and now I cannot sleep, because I'm too busy watching clips of The View on YouTube.
Someone straight me, please. My gayness has reached critical mass.

How very Tuesday.

Today we had our first stumblethrough of MacBeth. It was... interesting. I feel much better about it. Less weirdness today as well. I think.

This is for Fiona:

I just spent 5 solid minutes laughing at this:

and here is an extended version:

Kitty!

MacBeth rehearsal felt weird today. I think I am isolating myself in my own insecurities again. Oh well, let's see what tomorrow brings us.

I want to be this:

More YouTube Delights

Because I feel like it.

It has occured to me

that this is my fiftieth post in this blog. I wanted to do something, but instead I'm linking Kathy Griffin YouTube movies. Because I love her.






Peter Pan is as fun is almost as much fun as it is stressful.

I am never going to learn all my MacBeth lines.

There is too much

going on.

Save me.

I am MacBeth

Claire is lady Mac.
Charlotte is MacDuff.
Kaya is Malcolm.
Franny, Fiona, and Audry are Witches.
Zoe is Banquot and Siward.
Kathryn is Ross
Sasha is Lennox
Reilley is porter, messenger, murderer.
Amanda is Duncan and... someone


This list is not complete. But it's all I can remember. Someone should comment and fix it.

I have not had significant sleep for 55 hours.

My ride did not show up for Shaun of the Dead, then when I got with our backup driver who didn't know how to get to Fremont we were ditched. But that's okay, we went skinny dipping and watched movies and spent the night on Lily's deck. So eat it, punks.

Sadly, spending the night didn't involve me actually getting any rest. Nor did I manage to get more than 3 hours of half-sleep during the day.

Front Page closed. Everyone involved is amazing, and I love them. The cast party was out of this world. I still did not sleep. I can still feel the rocking motion of Gabe's bench.

Peter Pan tech is going to be insane. Kaya and I may not make it out alive.

MacBeth is going to rock, no matter what happens with it. If I can still have fun after falling asleep twice during the readthrough and stumbling on every line, I can have fun no matter what happens. and Gabe ADing may mean that Kaya and I get a lunch buddy. Yay.

I am too tired to tell you anything else.

Too Darn Hot

was the shocking Roosevelt Musical Review and is the current temperature.

My love for musical theater is battling my intense hatred of the world for creating it.

How do I cope?

I play Diablo II.

Yay for Australian paladins and Dutch Barbarians.

and of course me, the amazon warrior.

Update:

Dear Readers:

There are few things on this earth that infuriate me more than the word "healthful."

But don't worry Racheal Ray, I still love you.

Update: I would mate with Stephen Colbert

Update 2: Don't think. Love it.

Update 3: I feel safer.

What I do at 3:16am.

Front page opens tomorrow. Ready? No. No we are not.

I hate highschool relationships. People invest all their time in being with their partner and neglect and drift apart from their friends, and then the relationship ends and suddenly they have no one and argh. People are so silly.

I think I have a thing for republicans. Help me.

The voice chat feature on MSN messenger is addicting. You should download it.

I'll sing to you.

Quoted For Truth

"If somebody answered my phone call with "Where you at!?" I'd have to ask "Where you at?" So I could hunt them down, and kill them"

Thank you, Rylan. Thank you.

World. Inferno. Friendship. Society.

I saw them again, and they were amazing. Overwhelming. Awe-inspiring. Getting home was slightly less wonderful, but a learning experience for all.

The bands that came before them were pretty bad, although one of them did have an electric mandolin. Meisce, it was called.

Here is some more World Inferno, specifically for Charlotte.

The Front Page

Is just swell. It is continuing a bizarre run of theatrical satisfaction on my part.

I reuploaded my World Inferno Friendship Society album for a friend. If you are lame and haven't heard it yet, six or seven of you can do so here.

Today's Pie Divided By the Editors

The Part You Should Care About

For the six of you who still haven't seen this

My second play of the summer, The Front Page, has started. You will see it, unless you don't live in Washington. I play the corrupt mayor.

I want to hang out with you. I do. But I'm apparently constantly busy. So, call me on my cell and make plans with me. Because I love you.

My To-Do List:

• Shave
• Plan D&D
• Learn to drive.
  
• Get a job
• Memorize lines
• get a boyfriend

ANYONE WHO WANTS TO PLAY D&D WITH ME, SEND ME A BLANK EMAIL AT THE FOLLOWING ADDRESS:


(I don't like spam bots)

The way I talk on AIM and MSN is how I would speak to you in real life. I stretch out words I'd stretch out, I make pauses I would make, and a use periods when I would use a period. Don't question it. Love it.

The Part You Probably Shouldn't Care About

I've been thinking way too much lately. At the risk of sounding extremely emo, this is all probably going to sound extremely emo.

I'm not sure if I have a personality. I've spent so much time changing my personality to mesh better with different people that I don't know if I remember where I started from. Even when I disagree with someone I'm with, is that because of my opinion or the opinion of someone whose opinion I'd rather reflect? Do I get along with people because of who I am or because of all the people I pretend to be?

I am too busy seeing people to see the people I need to see. I do not like how this seems to be working. I'm turning into that guy who you have to stay in contact with in order to ever do things with, because he's so busy he forgets about everything that isn't right in front of him.

What makes a friend a friend? What makes a friend more or less than a friend? Why must we use such ambiguities? As much as I love them, people suck.

I want to see the world, and I know I never will. But that might be okay, because I might just want to see the world because I think I'm supposed to.

The above applies to all of my less realistic hopes and dreams.

I am starting to think I think too much to ever be happy.

I need a button that stops time.

Summer Vacation

is setting in already. I am having trouble keeping track of the day of the week. I have not woken up before noon since my last final. Life is good.

Jenny Chow only has two more shows left. Come see it you foolish fools.

Fuck summer

It is way to goddamn hot. Bring on the fall!


In other news, finals blow.

If you only one thing today, this week, even this month, let it be this.

http://www.savetheinternet.com/

Or if you're too lazy or whatever, I'll make it even easier: http://action.freepress.net/campaign/savethenet

Just sign it. It's easy, it's fast, and every little thing counts. Please.

Evolution

Yesterday I was queezy
Today my neck hurt
Tomorrow, I am Charlotte.

TMI

Stomache flu is about as much fun as vomiting for hours on end with a temperature of 105º and constant-

Oh... wait...

Arcadia has been cancelled

and I couldn't be more relieved. We could have done it, but it would have been way, way too much work.

This would be like a dream come true. Sort of.

This wouldn't.

Jenny Chow count: 9 down, 11 to go.

I just got my SAT scores. I really need to brush up on my math. Stupid Center School.

Need community service hours? Come usher for my show. You get to see it for free. Thursday/Friday/Saturday at 7:30 (6:45 or so Usher call) and Sunday at 2:00 (1:15 or so Usher call).

I am so,

so sick of the Bathhouse Theater.

I'd say something like "OMG ONLEE 3 MOR WEEKZ", but Arcadia overlaps Jenny Chow. Which overlaps Front Page. Which ends the day before Macbeth.

Jesus Christ, what was I thinking?

Nostalgia can go to hell

Music is shockingly evocative of emotion. Oh Nostalgia, you eat away at me so.
The meta soundtrack was so pretty. And Santaland was surprisingly annoying, but I miss it anyway. Somehow.

I don't think I'm going to get to drop my online class. The stupid professor hasn't emailed me back yet. How do I tell me parents I'm going to get my first F?

FOLKLIFE. Be there or be reduced to outdated geometric adjective slang.

I have no reason to enjoy Alizee as much as I do. None.

Update: Shit. I just found out I missed the centerschool play. Fuck. This is not a good week for Elliott and theater going.

Roosevelt: 2 Me: 1

So, I get to Roosevelt all jittery, Charlotte calls me saying she's getting out, we agree to meet at the doors. I get to the doors... no Charlotte. I meander around for 7 minutes trying still look like a purposeful techie instead of a nervous teenager and ignoring all the looks people are shooting at me (and answering their questions like I actually knew what I was talking about), get nervous, can't walk through the doors, and leave. Because with anxiety disorder, that's just how things go. Good look Rooseveltites. Charlotte, I hope you enjoyed the show.

At least the Arcadia rehearsal was fun.

Update: Since some people (okay, one person) were (was) confused about anxiety disorder, I will explain it. It's like anxiety, only always, for almost everything. Generally only low to moderate levels of anxeity (easy to pretend on the surface like they aren't there), but still anxiety. Like, sometimes I get overly anxious while waiting for the bus. I fidget, pace, twiddle my thumbs, people-watch, constantly check to see if my bus is coming, make sure my transfer or bus pass is there every 2 minutes, and wait for it to go away. However, with certain things, generally things that I've had a bad experence with before, the anxiety goes from what would be mild or moderate anxiety to an average person to intense, crippling levels of anxiety. For example, I get really nervous whenever I have to call someone. Anyone. Even my best friends. I also get nervous when I have to talk to new people. Combine these... well, it took me two and a half hours to work up the courage to call Shana my first time I wanted an audition. and don't even get me started on leaving messages...

My point is, I worry about everything. Telling me not to worry is like telling a schizophrenic to stop hallucinating. That's why it has that handy "disorder" part tacked on. So, when I tried to 'sneak' into the show tonight (the last time I tried that I got yelled at and kicked out), I simply could not walk through the door. So I left.

Jenny Chow, the Play a Part Auction, and other things you don't really care about.

First off, I have a special message to all of you who use AOL instant messenger. This was actually spoken to Anneka (obviously), but really I think many of you could take it to heart:
Cliched AIM Name: Why don't you have a buddy info? What is the point of compulsively checking everyone's buddy info if they don't even bother to have one? YOU ARE DESTROYING MY SYSTEM, ANNEKA.

Jenny Chow is AMAZING. Flying robots. OCD adopted Chinese girl. Dr. Yakunin. The greatest soundtrack to any play ever. You should all comes see it. Thursday, Friday, Saturday at 7:30, Sunday at 2:00. If you wanna see it for free, I can get you work as an usher.

WORKING on Jenny Chow, however, is not amazing. Here is the list jobs I was called in at the last minute to perform:

• Light Techie
  

Here is the list of jobs I actually perform

• Light Techie
• Usher
• Janitor
• Everyone's bitch

The Bathhouse theater is truly a magical place. Where else can one person be so many?
It doesn't help that the booth is roughly 110ºC on a good day. It's like a little private preview of hell.

The world may suck even worse than we think in the nearish future.

The auction was shockingly fun. Shana sang, I directed people with a flashlight to avoid the winch, I heard the same jokes from the adult workers a thousand times, I got to talk with Austin/Charlotte/Kaya/Kayla/Zoe (and to a lesser extent Miranda, Miranda's mom, Fiona and Blake), and we made $1,100 for Arcadia. But the coolest part, for me, was getting my palm read. Here is what I was told to the best of my memory:

1. I am a very dynamic person. I rarely leave anything I interact with unchanged
2. Not only am I very open minded, but I have no problem changing myself to fit new ideas/concepts/morals whatever that are impressed upon me. The downside of this is that I have difficulty figuring out what I really believe and who I really am.
3. I am a leader and have a very strong desire to lead and make decisions.
4. I am very passionate about what I do and very emotional, and tend to make important decisions based off of my emotions and passions. This is bad if you have a temper (oh dear).
5. I want to take a more active leadership role in my world (be that planet, country, school, city, whatever), but am feeling stunted so instead I am taking a more active role in my social life.
6. I will have 4 major relationships in my life. Two of them will be fairly serious, and the one that lasts me the rest of my life won't come until about 40. However, this will be alright because
7. I'm going to get lots of action. Hell yes.

1 is fairly true, 2 through 5 are VERY true, and 7 had better be. I was kind of amazed (okay, REALLY amazed) at how accurate it was while still being pretty darn specific.

Now, before I go on, I just want to say this. As much as organized (and even less-than-organized) religions and I don't get along, I have always had a weird... "fondness" for superstition. I blame fantasy books. So, while I'm certainly not going to freak out over stepping under a ladder, convert to Wicca (not again, at least [don't ask]), or start reading people's auras, I have a healthy respect for things like palm reading, tarot cards, and psychics. Do I believe in them? A part of me does, I think. Or wishes I do. But, belief or no, I at least think this. Even if you think things like palm readers and psychics are all utter bullcrap designed for the sake of taking advantage of the gullible, you cannot argue that they make people stop, even if for just a minute, and think about themselves through all the facades and pretenses. They force people to examine who they really are and why they really do things. And that, I think is something humanity can never get enough of. So, skoff at me if you want for getting so excited over a palm reading, but if I hear any of you making fun of introspection-inducing superstitions I'll bash your skull in with a golf club.

This is the envelope from the "happy-opening" card given to me by Kimber, the amazingly awesome start of Jenny Chow:


This is my nametag from the auction:


Why do we care? Look closely.

Got it?

That's right. My name is spelled correctly on both of them. These are persons four and five to get it right on their first try. Within 4 days of each other.

Spooky.

This has gone on long enough. I will leave you with two futurama quotes.

Leela: "In my dream, Fry said he hid a gift from me in his locker. If it's true, then he must still exist in some form."
Farnsworth: "Of course he still exists. As a frozen corpse in outer space! Oh...I made myself sad."


Leela: "Is this some sort of brain scanner?"
Farnsworth: "Some sort, yes. In France it's called a guillotine."
Leela: "Professor! Can't you examine my brain without removing it?"
Farnsworth: "Yes, easily."

Psych Videos

"Now I use a machete. That's what I do."

It has come to my attention that a menace has been living among us, a menace so horrible that it will leave even the strongest man quailing with fear at the mere glimpse of it. A menace that, left uncheck, will only grow in power. A menace that threatens to undermine the very foundations of of our country as we know it today This, my friends, is why I have formed the group Humanity United Against Philip Zimbardo's Beard (HUAPZB). Please, join us in stopping this monstrosity before it's too late. Unless you want your children growing up in a world with this:

"...I didn't say go."

God I hate doing tech. At least I have Charlotte to talk to, and sometimes Bonnie (who is awesome and getting us into the only Musical performance we'll be able to see).

Naan is deceptively awesome. I have eaten too many Sun Drops. Does anyone want to see a midnight showing of Tron with me this weekend? on Friday, perhaps?

Come see The Intelligent Design of Jenny Chow at the Bathhouse. It'll be playing weekends through mid-june or so. It involves robots and other awesome things. If you're reading this blog, you'll probably like it.

I just realized that I will be doing theater from now through summer nonstop. Jenny Chow overlaps Arcadia which overlaps (I think) Front Page which ends right before Macbeth. I should just turn the perch into a bed, buy a hot plate and get the sink working. Get it over with.

My blog is a constant reminder of my duty to Charlotte. How convenient.

Thanks to Devin and Anneka for informing me

Anyone can comment on any post now. May god help us all.

It seems that

I am doing tech for another mainstage show at the Bathhouse. The Intelligent Design of Jenny Chow.
So, if I drop off the face of the earth, remember me.

I feel a little like this right now.

I can't

stop listening to A-Teens.

For the love of god, someone call for help.

I have a test in 7 hours.

But I'm posting in my blog and not sleeping anyway!

E3 has come, and geekery abounds. World of Warcraft kicks its own lore (that link is perfectly safe, just enter in a random birthday that puts you above 18) in the nuts a few times, but will still make billions. Nintendo has a surprisingly good lineup for the Wheeeeeee! (Wii), and Spore is going to be splendtasticular.

This pretty woman is the inspiration for the new blood elf female dance. These men are the Draenei male, and this well-known man is the blood elf male. The Draenei females don't have a dance yet, because Blizzard is composed of misogynistic bastards.

I feel so geeky. I guess it's time to study.

Edit: this is also mildly amusing. Especially Ozzy.

I am ready for theater to start again.

ATTENTION ALL SAT TAKERS: Brush up on your cursive.
Other than that, they were fairly "meh".

Steven Colbert is awesome: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3.

Change videos with the bar of colors on the top left. Save pink for last. Be amazed.

I was born 10 years too early

This and/or That.

Events
There was a nice woman on my bus today. She had a big thick gray coat with pink interior, dirty blonde hair tied back into a ponytale, a big scarf, glasses and a hat. We shared a spontaneous smile when our eyes met during our respective peoplewatching. I was just thinking about how rarely people smile on the bus when she started screaming at the driver about not wanting to get her fucking organs taken when the government kills her. She said other things too, but I couldn't hear them from my seat at the back of the bus. She put too much emphasis on her Ss and Ts, it sounded sort of like a snake being strangled to death.

My aunt's birthday last friday was sort of a lesson in awkwardness. My parents were busy, and my cousin I would normally have talked to wasn't there. I miss the years when I could get away with playing my gameboy on the sofa the whole time. I compensated by pretending to have to call people on my cell phone. Does that make me a bad person?

Rylan's party was a breath of fresh air. Seeing people you haven't been able to see in months free of drama is pretty hard to beat. The same goes for letting your libido run free with two good friends in an endless cycle of flirtation. and groping. Honk honk. ...I'm not a pervert. It's an inside joke. Really.

Rambles
I have too many things I want to do. I keep overbooking myself. I should work on a better calendar system. Maybe I'll just start posting my schedule here. That'd help my e-stalkers too (hi Tom). I'm starting to worry about school. I really haven't tried very hard this quarter at all. I've been putting off homework until past 2:00am, and my organizational system is a folder, scribbled notes, and hope. If I keep this up, I'm going to slip somewhere and my grades will tank. The problem is (as Anneka made me realize), I can't work unless I'm scared of the consequences. Each quarter that I've made it through this year has made me a little cockier, and now I'm really feeling the backlash of that. That isn't even going into my online class, which I really want to drop. REALLY want to drop. I just... can't take it. The lack of interaction... it's too much. Or, really, too little. I could make up the credit, but I don't know what it would do to my hopes of taking Japanese again. I might just have to study super hard to relearn what I've forgotten from 101 and start up with 102. Or, take it over the summer as a non-credit course, or something. Hmm, I like the sound of that one. Now to convince my parents to let me drop it...

It is time to start doing things more and talking about doing things less. If you are reading this, I probably want to hang out with you. Call me.

I have found two amazing bands. DragonForce and Asian Kung-Fu Generation. The former is insanely over the top speed metal that sounds like a videogame soundtrack, the latter is just awesome Japanese music. I've uploaded a DragonForce CD for 10 of you, because I'm awesome. It'll go away in 6 days. If you play your cards right, I'll upload some Asian Kung-Fu Generation for you later.

All the cool people are going to see Arcadia June 23rd, 24th, or 25th. Don't you want to be like them? Good. I'll give you show times when I'm sure of them.

Your lips are taste of wine.

Soul Status: Asphyxiated

omg this was liek soooooooooooooooooooo cute!1

Maybe if I say I'm married

Myspace will stop giving me gay personals ads. Although it is amusing that I'm underage for all of them.

Shepard's pie is the single greatest food ever created, bar none. And Trader Joe's has a fantastic vegetarian version of it.

Assembling my new computer chair reminded me of the story of the dutch boy with his finger in the dike. Except I had to clutch two parts of it together with every ounce of my handstrength while Trying to get them into just the right position, screwing in the screws, and screaming myself hoarse trying to get my dad to hear me, because if I let go it would fall apart and probably break. and if I moved a centimeter the wrong way, I had to start over.

I finally have blank CDs again, so if anyone wants anything burned (albums, TV shows, movies, whatever) let me know.

Tonight, a pie shall be mde.

April

Is already more than half over, and I find this puzzling. I think it's time to slow my World of Warcraft and Guild Wars down a bit.

My mom got us foot and a half tall chocolate easter bunnies this year. I've been wrong all these years- there is such a thing as too much chocolate.

I found every episode of Naruto on DVD for $40 on ebay. If I vanish from all forms of communication for a week or two, they've arrived and work. Anyone wanna watch 'em with me?

Speaking of Naruto, I got the chance to watch the piece-of-shit over-cut English-dub-mutilated American Naruto the other day. I could say more, but I don't think I need to.

Too much good theater this summer. Just thinking about Arcadia and Front Page puts me into a state of anticipation-induced euphoria. I haven't really acknowledged Macbeth yet, too overwhelmed to go there.

CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL

Bunnies and poodles. And robots.

Classes have been started. Intro to Logic is really fun- Endlessly tricky semantics and puzzles. I love it. Dr Harms is insane in all the good ways to boot. Developmental Psych isn't what I expected, but is better for it. It's not just young development, it's development accross the whole human lifespan, and it's from a cross cultural approach. Kind of like a Catholic Developmental Psychologist got knocked up by an Anthropologist at a kegger one night.

My online class seems a liiiiittle BSish, but that's to be expected.

So, due to illness I basically spent my entire spring break playing World of Warcraft and Guild Wars. Which in retrospect is probably what I would have done even were I perfectly healthy, but this way was better because I got to do it without feeling guilty for not doing things like seeing friends.

I had something else to say in this entry. Oh well.

Sickness

Can go to hell. As can the SAT.

I got my grades:
Psych: 4.0
English: 3.6 (God only knows what she docked me for...)
Genetics: 2.3 (which is good, because I expected a D. Science > me)

Sinks my average a little bit, but I'm done with science classes forever.

Lost has stolen my soul. I've watched 4 episodes a day for each day since monday.

If you'll excuse me, I have a date with choking to death on my own drainage.

*edit*

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