One of those silly soundtrack to your life memes

Media library, shuffle, next for each song, etc. I cheated slightly when I got a song I had never actually listened to more than once

Opening Credits:
Freaky Friday - Aqua (an auspicious beginning)

Waking Up:
Knock 'Em Out - Lily Allen (I greatly approve)

First Day At School:
Ima Made Nando Mo - Mass Missile (Awesome. Awesome to the max.)

Falling In Love:
Blame It On the Tetons - Modest Mouse (That's kind of depressing. My first song was Track 2 of the Meta CD, so maybe I'll pretend it's that instead.)

Fight Song:
Ya Sholsa S Uma - tatu (I will be fighting for my lesbian love, apparently?)

Breaking Up:
Level the Vibes - Half Pint (Ahahahaha)

Prom:
Because We Can - Moulin Rouge OST

Life's OK:
Boom Boom Boom Boom - Vengaboys (I think this movie emphasizes my feminine side...)

Mental Breakdown:
I Just Make Faces - World/Inferno Friendship Society (Best. Breakdown. Ever.)

Driving:
Recycled Air - The Postal Service (Unnervingly appropriate)

Flashback
Flight To The Ford - Howard Shore, a.k.a. LotR soundtrack (This... what? What the hell movie is this?)

Getting Back Together:
Rose's Theme - Murray Gold, a.k.a. Doctor Who soundtrack (THIS IS A SIGN.)

Birth of Child:
Ich Errinere Mich an Weimar - World/Inferno Friendship Society (Lucky kid.)

Wedding:
Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes (This should have .)

Final Battle:
This Fire - Franz Ferdinand (But this song is okay too.)

Death Scene:
Complainte De La Butte - Moulin Rouge OST (This is nice, I supposet.)

Funeral Song:
Destroy the Orcs - 3 Inches of Blood (...)

End Credits:
I Don't Feel Like Dancin' - Scissor Sisters (This... oh hell, this works fine.)


A few "what the fuck?"s on there, but otherwise that's surprisingly solid. More later, perhaps.

Home status: ish.

I have just returned for yet another weekend in Seattle, this time with a microwave, the cable I need to make my computer speakers work, and the box I need to make my TV play videogames (which I still need to get one more cable for, at least, but I think I can get working tomorrow). I'm feeling strangely okay. It bothers me slightly that this upswing in contentment has been so correlated with the acquisition of 'stuff', but... well, I like stuff. Long conversations with wise people helped a lot too. I can't say I'm super excited to be up here, but I'm not down about it either.

For the first time I think being up here is actually somewhat acceptable to me. It feels good.

Quoth Gabe

"Come with me and we will talk of many things! of clouds and rainbows and fairy kings!

...Except I would have done it like an elf."

Please

I just want to go home.

Freedom!

Both tests have now been taken (for better or for worse...), but I am almost more restless than relived. I don't want to watch more TV shows on my computer, I don't really want to play the three games I have here, I don't have the energy to read my book... and I don't know what else exactly I do when I don't want to go out.

I guess I'll shave and take a nap.

Linking and rambles

I am currently studying for two tests, one of which starts in about 8 hours. This of course means that it's blogging time.

I... don't have all that many things to say. Ellie is coming to stay a night this weekend, which will be nice- I don't know precisely what we'll actually do with her, but I think that between me, Kayla and Gabe she will stay entertained. We still haven't really 'met' anyone, although I have gotten to better know people I sort of knew before. I really need to get out and join a club, but it's so much easier to stay in my nice apartment... fah. No job yet, but I am getting tomorrow the information on plasma donation, because that seems like a relatively easy way to pad my wallet when I need to (apparently you get like $25 per donation).

Anywho, enough babbling about me. Let's have some random links instead!

This may be one of the most alarming things I've encountered in all my time on the internet.

My favorite part about this is the conductor guy dancing. Also, K(?)-pop is awesome.

So pretty.

Cheesy but insanely adorable.

One of the better videos I've found in all of my searchings of the internet to date.

Finally... I love this man.



Hooooooly crap. I've been reading back through my blog (something I should never, ever do), and I just found the web page Kayla made me explaining why I actually want to see the world, and.. wow, I have no words. Intense love. INTENSE.

Okay, wow, it's been like an hour since I started this post now. I need to stop.

TV is dumb

and yet I let it get to me anyway.

I just watched the first season of Slings and Arrows, a show about Actors and Theater and Hamlet and all those wonderful cliches that dramafolk love to surround themselves with. I lasted on my high horse of disdainful amusement for all of one and a half episodes, after which I realized something. I am not kidding anyone- I'm a theater kid. I've told myself that I just appreciate the text, or that I just like the confidence boost of being on stage, or that I just like the people I've met. I've told myself that the Bathhouse isn't like normal theaters (which is true, but not in that way), that I could be in theater there without being a theater person. These, while perhaps all true to an extent, are all squares in the quilt of my own self-delusion- I am a theater person. Perhaps not an actor (actechector?), but good grief am I a theater person. Watching a show about theater made me feel more longing to do theater in the past few hours than I have to be home in the last month (almost) that I've been up here. I want to get a script and make connections with scene-partners and make audiences laugh and have that moment 5 seconds before my first entrance when I realize that all of this is actually happening and get the biggest hit of adrenaline my body can provide. Frankly, though, I'd settle for just being in the bathhouse, even if I'm only teching or assistant directing. It's like I've only just realized that my left arm was cut off a few weeks ago

I also have come to another realization- Hamlet is the most awesome part I will never, ever get. But damn, can I ever dream of it someday. Holy crap. Polonius? Polonius is fine- good, even great. A very fun part. But if I ever get the chance to do that play again, I know who I'm gunning for, even if the odds are slim to none.

Home soon! Yippy!

Aging

Being an adult sucks ass. 18 is the worst birthday by far.

(I spent an hour or so writing an elaborate post about that, but it wasn't very entertaining so I decided just to summarize it.)

In other news, I think I'm going to try my hand at NaNoWriMo. I may post bits and pieces of stuff for that in here, but most likely I will keep them to myself because I value privacy more than feedback.

Doctor Who. Ohhhh Doctor Who. I would be so lost without you.

College

It's 5:30am and I have two tests in the morning. Clearly this means it's time for my first blog post in 6 months. Nothing like pointless exposition in the face of desperation.

I'm not really sure what I want to write about. I've gone past the stage of caring about what whoever actually reads this thinks about what I'm writing (sorry, I try to have the mindset that this is more for me than for you- it keeps me from being self-conscious about what I say), so there's no good reason for me to be at such a loss. But I am. Do I want to try to talk about the last 6 months? The last two years? 4? 18? Maybe just the last week. The last day. The last 4 hours. Do I even want to work chronologically? Is that what this is, a convoluted, wordy, overly dramatic timetable for the past? Or maybe I want something completely different, maybe I want to focus on general opinions and stances, feelings and philosophies. Maybe this is a place for my rants and rambles, not the mundane happenings of my day to day life. That certainly sounds more interesting to write- but will it really be in the long run? I'm constantly telling myself that I need to do everything in my power to help myself remember the past- take more photos, write more journal entries, save more mementos, keep in touch with people- clearly what I want is a calendar to look back over. And yet when I think of focusing on that, I'm tempted to close this window and go back to my classic Doctor Who viewing. Sometimes I don't even understand my own opinions until I try to type them out- just the act of putting them into characters on a screen fleshes them out and makes me see the cracks and flaws in a point I previously thought indestructible. Obviously what I should do is both- spend time writing down the day to day business that I want to look back on and remember and also take time to rant and ramble as I see fit. But if I don't have the patience to update more than once every few days at best, am I really going to have the patience to spend twice as long on that update cramming all of that in?

Now that I actually think about it, quite possibly. After all, I've wasted all this time on this entirely useless train of thought. But maybe it does touch on something that does more than steal precious seconds of people's lives in the reading of it- what do I value more, the intellectual pursuit of honing my own ideas/principles/theories/rantable topics etc. or my ability to hold on to my memories for perusal at a later date? Would the latter lead to any more than pointless hours wrapped up in Nostalgia? Can I actually get enough out of arguing with myself that taking the time to type it out is worth the time and effort? I guess I will have to put those last two thoughts on hold, lest I decide I've just spent a great deal of time in an excercise in futility.
But there is something to think about in the past versus the present- what is my life? Is it an MMORPG, do I exist for the sake of endless advancement higher and higher levels? Or is my life like Shadow of the Colossus, where I exist for the sake of returning to the things I've done with unlocked ite- er, new experiences under my belt? You can tell how long I've been pent up in my apartment by how geeky my metaphors get.

Speaking of which, I will transition into something completely different: living alone. It's weird. It's fantastic, it's horrible, but mostly it's weird. However, in an effort to force myself to focus on the positive, I will make a list of things that are awesome about it:

• No one is ever in the bathroom.
• Baking at 3:00am in nothing but boxers.
• Doing anything at 3:00am.
• Doing anything at any time in just boxers. Well, or less, but I haven't quite sunk to that yet thank you.
• Knowing that what you put down will stay there until it decomposes.
• The above applying to food purchased- if my peanut butter cups are missing, it's because I ate them.
• Being able to have anyone over at any time to do anything.
• Not having to deal with anyone's mess but your own.
• Making all the rules.
• Nothing about your daily life in your home that doesn't involve loud noises or odors intense enough to pass through walls can make anyone annoyed with you.

There are of course things that I do not enjoy (The lurking, evergrowing loneliness, the expense, the need to be completely responsible), but focusing on the positive stuff makes them seem less bad.

I miss Seattle. I miss it a lot. If you are in Seattle, I miss you a great deal. College is fine- I could not ask for finer people than Gabe and Kayla to help me through it, but reaching out to people is insanely difficult (especially when your initial attempts elicit awkward responses that make you afraid to try again because you're paranoid about that sort of thing) and generally appears to be hardly worth the stress and effort. I hate to say it, but frankly one of the biggest players in me not going insane has been television. Not crappy TV, but good stuff with actual plotlines and real acting like House and Doctor Who (Doctor Who deserves its own post, and will probably get one soon if I actually continue to update this thing). Kind of an unhealthy dependence, and certainly not one that's conducive to effective study habits (It's now 6:20 and I still need to study... and leave in two hours). I'm starting to work music back into my life, starting with the complete Muse discography. It was really influential during the summer while I was driving, so much that when I first came up here it kind of... hurt to listen to, the emotional reaction to the stuff I was into was so strong.

I've also taken up Kingdom of Loathing again, which is yet another delightful way to waste your time. I have a Turtle Tamer and a Pastamancer.

Well, I should get studying, so that I don't... you know. Fail. and stuff. I'll update more later, perhaps.

I am an idiot

Today's wisdom: telephones only work as alarm clocks when you do not leave them on silent.

Torrents suck.

I am a TV show addict. I am only even updating this because I have about 6 minutes left until my next episode of Heroes finishes downloading. I seriously cannot watch an even mildly good show without getting totally hooked on it. First Queer as Folk, then Lost, then Desperate Housewives, and now House and Heroes. I watched all three seasons of House in two weeks. I will have watched the entire first season of heroes in less than two days. I have to stop, but I have more lined up! I still need to see Weeds, The Riches, Scrubs... not to mention all the anime I need to catch up on. No, it's not want, it's a need. I cannot handle the idea of not knowing what happens next. It's like a great book- once I get started there is nothing stopping me until I'm done. I think I need help.

In lighter news, I have finally decided what I'm going to do with college. I am going to defer from Western for one year. I am going to do the programming... program at Central, then transfer somewhere. Maybe Western, Maybe the U, maybe even Seattle U. I know I still want to do psychology (lately I've been considering legal psychology), but I need at least one more year in Seattle and I want to do this programming stuff too.

Shit. My episode torrent slowed down to a crawl. I dunno how much longer I can wait...

This quarter has been... off to a rocky start. I'm behind already, but catching up. Taking an intro to programming class, environmental science online, and statistics. I think my statistics class has me do more stuff on the computer than my programming class, it's kind of ridiculous.

Hooray, the speed is back up!

I see Rylan and Paul tomorrow. It's certainly been awhile- far too long. They are a big part of why I want to stay, I really need to reconnect. I've only got one more year I can be sure we'll all be in the same place, and I'll be damned if I'm going to waste it like I've wasted the past few.

and now it's down. Maybe I should just go to bed...

Reading more and playing videogames less would probably be good for me. God of War and Golden Sun are just so... fun, it's hard. This post has probably meandered enough now.

House is the greatest show ever created

and anyone who types "cute" as "QT" needs to die in a fire.

Bad night for it

So, as I was on my walk (albiet slightly later than normal, I left at 3:20ish instead of 1:20ish), I decide that I'll walk through the Village. I've never been there at night and figure it'll be a fun change of pace. I'm on... 32nd, I think, on the other side of Magnolia field, and I see this weird light. I try to stay behind things as I get closer to it, because it's stupidly bright and hurts my eyes and because I'm already a little nervous at never having walked this part of Magnolia at night. I get in range to see that it is, in fact, a car, take a few steps towards it (now revealed to it, as I'm no longer behind things), and notice it starting to slowly move towards me. I may have imagined it, as it didn't follow me when I immediately turned around and took a right up the hill, but I am certain it did. I was technically walking up the hill away from my house, but I figure I can take a left at the end of the block, walk back the direction I was walking towards the light from a couple of blocks, and then make a B-line for the way up to my house. I calm down, turn up my music, and get the living SHIT scared out of me when, as I am walking back the way I came, a car at the end of the block from me surges into life with a roar and high-beams blazing. I don't scream or jump, but I literally spin around midstep and start walking back down the hill toward the street at the end of which was the first car that had freaked me out. My cell phone is immediately in my hand and I'm calling home for a ride (at 3:45am, whee). I mill about for a bit, ready to dive into some bushes as soon as I hear a car coming (keeping my dad on the line so that at least he'll know where I died and what the person drove), get picked up, and thank and apologize my way home.

I of course realized (yes, even at the time) that it was almost certainly some stupid teenagers getting baked in a car (I know way too many Magnolians who do that not to think of that immediately), but I just had this creepy gut feeling that something was not right and that I needed to get far, far away. The moral of this story is: don't walk where you're less familiar at night. Also, I'm a wuss.

I do way too much theater.

Mr Bingley has dropped out of Pride and Prejudice, so I have spent the last two days calling every theater kid I know to see if they want to do it. I really hate the guilty let down speech. I'm not trying to pressure you into it, you can say no!

I managed to pass the two classes I didn't get the take home finals done for, so I will be getting an AA. Hooray! I also got into Western, although I'm not sure if I'll go. I'm really liking the idea of staying at Central a few more quarters to do certification stuff for an IT job before I go off to real college. Although it would be fun to get away from Seattle for a year... I am very torn, I guess. I still have time to decide.

I think Pride and Prejudice is going to simultaneously maintain and undermine my sanity for the coming quarter.

I want it to be senior show time.

Hmm.

I hate my job in Halcyon Days, but I love the show and Sean. I still need to get preshow and a curtain call for it, but that shouldn't be too hard with all night at the internet. I'm both excited and ready to get it the hell over with.

My kitty is so snuggly. I will never be able to live without cats.

Zoe's birthday party was lovely. It's always fun to talk to people you don't expect to. I wish my post-party shenanigans had not fallen through, but I think tomorrow night will work. I'm sad, but not too terribly bent out of shape.

Waves of love to Kaya, if she reads this. I hope you are rested and better.

Still obsessed with that band. I have their CD if anyone wants it.

Time for a walk, I think. Come to my play!

Jesus

that was freaky. So, I was on my walk, listening to music and feeling pretty cocky. I was right at the intersection next to thriftway, when I saw a car coming, so I hurried to cross the street so I wouldn't have to wait for it. After a few steps, I realized the car had stopped moving at the intersection, then, as I kept walking and watching it out of the corner of my eye, I saw it turn and start to slowly drive towards me. It was kind of crappy looking with cardboard over the windows in the back. There was plenty of room for a body. I was basically scared shitless, and started dialing 911 on my phone in my pocket, but kept walking hoping they weren't actually driving towards me. The car pulled up next to me and stopped, and I started to walk a little faster. I felt like an idiot- what was I doing out walking at three in the goddamn morning? I couldn't run home, it was up a giant hill. I hit send on my phone as I watched a giant man get out of a truck and start to walk towards me. My phone was raised almost to my ear when he, 5 or so steps away from me, said "Freeway? You tell me how to get to freeway?"

Good grief.

Family Parties

can actually be fun. All it takes is a vodka tonic right off the bat. and not putting up with shit, apparently. I will miss my cousin while she is in California.

I've been very lost the past couple days, as always after the end of the quarter (and the whole massive crash and burn at the end has helped a lot). Birthday party tomorrow though! I love birthday parties. How can you not have fun?

Halcyon Days is a... challenge. I will not be sad at all to put it to rest. It's a great show though, you all should see it. Bathhouse, next two saturdays at 2:00 and sundays at 7:00. I'm not in it, but my voice is (sadly- don't do voiceovers while sick).

God walking at night is so awesome. As long as your coat is comfy and your music good, it's easily the best time of day for it. I will go do that now.

Good lord

This band is making me so stupidly happy. Lovely.

I have always wondered what it felt like to give up.

There is less relief than I had hoped there would be. It just feels sort of icky and sad, like a stomache flu that you just want to go away.

Oh well. Life goes on.

I'm so awesome at procrastinating.

If procrastinating were an olympic sport, I could bring home the gold every goddamn time. Only 11 hours left until this sound has to be ready! Thank god for tea and dragonforce.

I have to wonder if I'll ever learn to manage my time.

School

should end after junior year. But no one should tell anyone until the year ends. We have to keep pretending as a society that there IS a senior year, or it won't work. Because, see, if you're never actually a senior, you can't get senioritus. I think that would be a wonderful gift to give future generations.

I sort of have to wonder (given how long it's been) if anyone will actually read this.

It is 4:46 AM as I type these words, yay insomnia. I wanted to go to bed earlier, because I was sick this morning, but I spent so much time sleeping today that I had to get out. I went on a walk, which turned into going to Katie's house to talk and watch TV. There's something very freeing about walking around at night. Also, the movie American Pie (even if it was the crappy TV edit) will always hold a very special place in my heart. Thank you, Jake and Alex, for broadening my third grade mind.

I sort of want to try to recap what has been going on the past few months, but that sounds boring. I've basically just done far too much theater and not nearly enough schoolwork. I can't help but try to milk this year for all it's worth, because it's the last for many things.

That's ir probably enough for now. I have papers to write and Halcyon Days sound to do.

I kept telling myself I would do something special for my hundreth post,

and now it's almost March. Bad call, perhaps. Hi.